1. Sort out the three conversations -- 2. Stop arguing about who's right: explore each other's stories -- 3. Don't assume they meant it: disentangle intent from impact -- 4. Abandon blame: map the contribution system -- 5. Have your feelings (or they will have you) -- 6. Ground your identity: ask yourself what's at stake -- 7. What's your purpose?: when to raise it and when to let go -- 8. Getting started: begin from the third story -- 9. Learning: listen from the inside out -- 10. Expression: speak for yourself with clarity and power -- 11. Problem-solving: take the lead -- 12. Putting it all together -- Ten questions people ask about difficult conversations -- A road map to Difficult conversations.